Lately I have found myself in a constant battle with time. I should add, a losing battle with time! I find myself obsessed with time from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. My day goes something like this...
 
I wake up to an alarm at 4:30am and immediately turn it off. Big expectations but obviously I'm still falling a bit short. I then check my phone at around 4:40. Then 4:45. Then 4:50. Then 4:57. Then at around 5:05 I jump up from my bed and hop in the shower. Once out of the shower, I go right back to my phone to see how much time I have left. I finish getting ready, head into the kitchen where I check the time on the stove this time and make my breakfast and lunch. On the way to work I check the time. I clock in taking note of my time. I wait for my breaks counting down the time. Then wait for my lunch. That is usually when time goes the fastest. I think you get the picture! And I'm betting my obsession with time isn't too different from yours!
 
Why are we so confined to time? There is never enough and it always moves too fast. Well I have decided to put my foot down and take my life back from the constraints of time! How exactly? Well.... I’m not certain! But I am going to start at the beginning of my day. If I can make it a habit to get up at the time I intend to each morning that will make me less focused on the time I don't have from the very start of the day. I am going to challenge myself not to look at the time unless I truly need to know. How do I do that when it is everywhere? Constantly reminding me that it's running out and there is nothing I can do about it? Well.... I have this theory that time is really only constraining when we feel we have done nothing with it. So, I am going to utilize my breaks to do more than browse Facebook and most importantly, I'm going to take opportunities to just sit on the carpet with my son and engage. I've noticed in the past that when I interrupt my usual tasks by playing with my son, time slows down. As if it is caught off guard by my spontaneity!
 
By using time to my advantage, I become the one who is in charge. So I very optimistically and bravely say, I will no longer be victim to the constraints of time!
 
Now.... what time is it?

Something I have struggled with for a very long time is expecting more of myself than from anyone else. When people would come to me expressing self-doubt or insecurities, I would always find a way to make them feel better. To remind them of their incredible accomplishments, their many talents, their beautiful bodies, and so on. But when it came to how I spoke to myself, I was unforgiving, ruthless, and in many ways abusive. Words like failure, stupid, unattractive, overweight, lazy (the list goes on) would flow through my mind making me feel like the bullied kid on the playground. Why is it that I was so supportive of others and so hard on myself? 
 
Too many times we place ridiculous expectations on ourselves that we would never expect of other people. We expect to be the best in our careers, the top student in our class, the best mom to our children, keep the cleanest home, cook the most delicious meal, and be the most attractive woman! In fact we look at models and expect to look exactly like them if not better. We read about CEOs and strive to climb even higher up the ladder. We expect to be better than the best, and in every way possible! Just me? I don't think so! Otherwise the cosmetics industry would not be as lucrative, nor the health and fitness industries. And those millions of  "success in 30 days" books would not have been printed.  
 
I really had to challenge myself to be kinder...to myself! Now think of me what you want, but I will tell you it works! I learned to speak to myself. Out loud! While it is still uncomfortable for me to do, I find time in the car to compliment myself. Sound crazy? Well so is bullying yourself and you've been doing that for years!
 
So what are some things I say? I tell myself I'm proud of me. That I am beautiful and I thank myself for taking care of my body. I tell myself my outfit looks good and that I hope I have good day. It doesn't have to be a full-blown conversation, but just a few simple words. Even.... I love you. Why does it seem so wrong to tell ourselves we love us? Well, let me ask you this. Wouldn't you want your children to love themselves? By loving ourselves, we are showing them they can do the same. 
 
Lastly...one thing I did years ago was I put out a framed photo of me as a child. It was my 7th birthday and I remember so much about not only that particular day, but also about who I was. My hopes and dreams. My imagination and my heart. And I look at that photo and remind myself to be kind to that girl who has now grown up. I continue to dream for her and strive to create the life she hoped to create. I'm kind to her.... and so I am kind to me. It might sound totally crazy.... so I dare you to try it! Be crazy! But remember to also be kind. 

This particular entry might be all over the place and that is probably because my thoughts are exactly there. All over the place! I am realizing that while my focus has been on growing my wings (which is taking forever!) I had yet to even enter a cocoon. Now, I am not an expert on insects so please do not take what I write as entomology (I had to look that one up!). But I know enough to know that inside the cocoon is where the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly takes place. For years I had hoped that the life I always dreamed of would find me. Despite working in the same job, partaking in the same activities, watching the same television shows, complaining about the same lack of sleep, and crying over the same bank account, I truly believed that my life would one day be different. Like I would go to sleep with the stressful life I had created and would wake up to the life on my vision board. It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Then why do so many of us do it? 
 
Coming to the realization that if I want to see change, I need to be change was indescribably empowering. I have felt immensely optimistic and have learned to find inspiration in each day. While I thought to myself I must be a butterfly, I am now learning that my transformation has just begun. I have entered my cocoon and it will take times to develop my wings. But when I finally do, I will be free. And the sweat, tears, frustration, long hours, and fears of failure and inadequacy will be totally worth it. 
 
Before I end I will add something I learned today. The illusion that the accumulation of material things is representative of happiness and success. Much of my time was spent imagining the home I would own and the things I would fill it with. The vehicle that would sit in the garage and the size of my backyard. This is not to say that those who want those things are wrong, but they are not everything. I am learning that there is no true value in things when those things are paid for by working 80 hours per week, spending little time with family and friends, stressing over deadlines and projects, drowning in debt because the money made is just a little less than the dream car. I am choosing to live a more minimal life so that I can experience true happiness, which doesn't end after a one-week vacation. I want memories and experiences. And once I break free from the limited life I lead, I refuse to go back by setting my eyes on those material possessions. This, you could say, is among my first transformative lessons. 

Our reasons for changing our lives are the most important component in ensuring we succeed. Often times we limit ourselves by focusing on the "why not" rather than the "why". Why we cannot rather than why we must.

The majority of life coaches and motivational speakers will have you define your why before you set foot on your journey to success. The reason being is that the road is far from easy and you are guaranteed to have moments of wanting to give up and turn back around. That is when the "why" comes into play. That "why" is what keeps you focused. It is your prize. The finish line. And without it, you have no reason to continue.  The problem for many, however, is that we fail to even begin that journey because we have been so busy adding to our list of "why nots".

For me, the roadblocks I built for myself centered around not having enough time, enough money, and having to put a child before myself. I could not set out on that journey towards my dreams because of the things I did not have. But then I began to focus on why I had no other choice but to succeed. And I soon realized that my list of why nots was also my list of whys. Time. Money. My family. Rather than focus on the limits I had placed, I decided to become limitless. To seek limitless time, limitless money, and limitless possibilities for my family. That simple shift in perspective opened that cage I had locked myself in for far too long.

Too many of us feel like we are being held captive, not realizing that the key is hanging on a necklace around our neck. We have the resources to free ourselves of those limits and become limitless. A simple change in wording transforms the story completely.

Too often I find myself focusing on the life I want and not enough time appreciating the life I have. I imagine the same could be said for most people. We tend to dream about our future and picture our lives free from the stresses of today. We imagine the things we will someday own and the exotic places we will one day visit. If we have yet to have children, we imagine our lives raising little ones. If we do have young children, we imagine those young children becoming self-sufficient adults. When we have adult children, we long to be grandparents, and so on. While all of these dreams for the future are essentially the driving force behind each accomplishment we make, it is equally if not more important that we find time to appreciate the present. For if we fail to find contentment and gratitude in all that we have accomplished up until this very point, we will fail to see the miracles that lie before us. 
 
Gratitude today is key to being grateful tomorrow. Success is achieved in steps and if we fail to appreciate each step taken, we miss the point of the journey and the accomplishments are no longer gratifying. 
 
What I have found to be most helpful is to find moments where I am present. At night when I lie in bed, I often thank God for the things I can physically feel. This makes me conscious of little things that in the bigger picture are things to be extremely grateful for. I thank God for the warm socks on my feet, the pillow under my head, the blankets I cover myself with, the ceiling I look up at, the sweet toddler usually right there next to me, the food in my refrigerator, the job I don't want to go to but am blessed to have.... you get the picture! The list could go on forever! 
 
When I go through my list of what I am grateful for and include those simple things I often take for granted, I find that I am already successful. I have more than I could ever deserve. And that gratitude not only allows positive energy to flow through my mind, body, and environment around me. It also creates momentum in me towards fulfilling other dreams.
 
Attitude is a big part of determining whether or not someone becomes successful, and gratitude reminds them that they already are. 

For years this has been the question that has changed my tone during a conversation. The frequently asked question that reminded me that I was not in the career I had hoped, despite the years and years of schooling. That is until I really started to dissect the question. "What do you do?" That can mean so many different things! What people are usually asking is "where do you get the money to pay your bills? Your rent? That car you drive? Who do you report to Monday through Friday from morning until just before sundown? Which company writes those checks that get deposited in your bank account every other week?"
 
So I started thinking about how the answers to those questions are not necessarily the same answers to the one that was actually asked.  I started to think about how I have equated what I do and who I am to that job I report to where I am least happy. Where I sit in front of a computer in a 10X10 cubicle and have less social interaction than Cinderella did up in that cellar. (At least she had mice) Where I bill patients for medical expenses under a healthcare system I despise. Where my degrees centered on human rights and development have zero relation to my daily tasks. Where I have to stop typing every few hours so that my hands stop cramping. That may be my paid job, but it is not what I do for a living. In fact, I feel less alive there than most other places.
 
Instead, the real answer as to what I do is I take care of a wild but sweet and charismatic two-year-old boy. I work on my health and fitness almost everyday to ensure I stay as healthy as possible. I write books for my son that I hope to have published one day. I mentor a refugee family from Burma. I started the process of creating a clothing line. I run a multi-level marketing group and teach others about a product I believe in. And I am planning my wedding to the love of my life. And while doing these things may not pay my rent or provide me with financial stability (though this will be the case one day), they are what I do. They are part of my "living". And when I answer that question this way, that change in my tone is much different. 

Today I can't help but think about how easy it is to stay in a routine regardless of how little it benefits your life. I often find myself thinking and dreaming about all of the changes I will make in my life only to find myself doing the same exact things day after day. Why is it that we continue the same exact routines while hoping for different outcomes? 
 
Well today I finally made a change and that change truly impacted my day. I woke up just 20 minutes earlier, which resulted in me drinking coffee in my favorite mug while walking my dog and admiring the morning view. My mornings usually started with me rushing to get dressed, throwing a random lunch together, asking my roommate to walk the dog, running out the door, and stressing about the time as I headed off to work. 20 minutes made a HUGE difference. After work it was easy for me to come home and continue the same cleaning I do every afternoon, distract my son with the same exact show and afternoon snack, and watch each hour very quickly pass by. That is until I stopped myself, gave my son an early bath, and took him for a walk with the dog. Again, a perfect change in my day.
 
I found that as hard as it may be, I need to throw off my usual routine with something beneficial to my health and happiness. I made sure to read encouraging and inspiring stories and watch short videos that left me wanting to be better. Those are the measurable changes I need to make each day to ensure that my life becomes what I desire it to be. I know it will be a struggle but eventually those changes that are so hard for me to make will be my routines that are impossible for me to break. And when that happens, I will be unstoppable!

My method of self-improvement could be described by one word...incremental. I've always explained to people that life is like a marathon.... if you take even one step forward, you will eventually reach your destination. What I failed to mention is that if you move too slowly.... by the time you reach the finish line.... the party will have ended and everyone who waited around to see your accomplishment will be home in bed awaiting the next day. So while we all move at different paces and some of us begin the race in different places, we must all take measurable steps each day towards our dreams. Only then will we experience the unexplainable joy that comes with accomplishing each difficult and time-consuming goal. 
 
This blog is a big step among many baby steps I have previously taken. In my journey of becoming an entrepreneur, published author, business-owner, life coach, amazing mom, devoted wife, and head of a non-profit organization (yes, I will be all of these things!), I have begun the baby steps forward. But now it is time to take bigger steps. Just as a baby's stride grows wider as time passes, so too am I ready to take bigger steps. Documenting each step in this blog and sharing this journey with you provides me with a sense of accountability as well as a sense of community. Dreams often become realities when they are shared with others. Today I invite you to follow me as I set out to live my dreams and encourage you to share comments and words of encouragement along the way. If I can inspire you and find inspiration in you, that positive energy will propel all of us closer to turning our dreams into our realities.