I've always convinced myself that I had high expectations. Expectations so high , in fact, that sometimes they were nearly impossibe to meet. That is until I realized that my high expectations we're not in line with my wants and were instead sabotaging the life I hope to lead.

As my wedding to my amazing fiancé approaches, I have found myself feeling more Chandler than Monica (those who watch Friends will get it). For months I've examined our relationship under a microscope looking for any possible sign that it might grow to fail. And throughout, I have created expectations of what I believed a successful relationship looked like. Or so I thought.

Expectations, as we know them, are what we expect to happen. Usually, our expectations are positive and by meeting them, we accomplish a greater level of happiness. However, what I have come to learn is that many times our expectations are negative without us being aware. We believe that our expectations are in line with what we want in life, but instead they are subconsciously drawing us towards the failure we believe is inevitable. While I have been striving for a happy and successful relationship, my expectations have been a reflection of the failed marriages I grew to know. And so because I was expecting to fail, our relationship suffered.

Often times we convince ourselves that our wants are interchangeable with our expectations. And so we convince ourselves that we truly expect to succeed, be it dieting, starting a business, or building a relationship. But if we dig deeper, we actually find that we expect to fail. And so without realizing it, we meet our expectations.

Since coming to this realization, I have been happier and more confident than I have been in a long time. My baggage has been pulled out from under the bed and I am sorting through it, piece by piece. Expectations are important when setting out to accomplish your dreams, but they must be owned. We must envision the future we want, and remind ourselves of that future each day. And when fear of failure starts to creep in (because it will) we must be ready to combat it by refocusing on those chapters that have already been written, but have yet to be read.

So define your expectations, don't let your expectations define you.

Expect that your life will be different.

That this is truly your time to shine.

If you are at all familiar with the runner's lingo, you have heard of the dreaded “wall”. During a long run, typically a marathon, many runners experience a period where everything falls apart. Their legs become weak, they've lost all control of their breathing, overheating sets in, maybe the dreaded gingerbread man appears (look it up), and they feel as if they can no longer continue. While their heart says, "please don't stop", their mind and body is screaming, "for the love of God, stop!”

I started running for the sole purpose of wanting to do something I had told myself I couldn't do. I was NEVER a runner. In fact, by the age of 24, I had never completed a mile without taking a rest. Or two. Maybe four.... So I decided that by my 25th birthday, I would complete a half-marathon. What I did not realize is that I would be embarking on an adventure that would make the challenges of life easier to overcome. I experienced both "the wall" and "runners high" many times throughout my training and had it not been for these two experiences, I would likely be less optimistic about overcoming challenges.

Every week I had to run further than I did the week before. Mind you, the week before I had decided that I had run the furthest I could ever possibly run. It was a mind game. But I prepared myself each week by following the plan I had in place, and each week I accomplished what I set out to do. There were many moments I told myself I couldn't do it, and that God gave me short legs to sit and not run... But I continued. Because I needed to prove to myself that I could. I ran my first half-marathon the month I turned 25. It was known to be a difficult race with steep hills and I was told that it would be okay to walk. But I ran the entire race and at the end, felt like I could run home! I proved to myself that with hard work, dedication, DISCIPLINE, and a plan, I could do anything. I would eventually run 4 more half-marathons and continue to run as a reminder.

The Wall is an amazing part of a runner's experience because it is the part that makes crossing the finish-line so emotional. Runner's often raise their arms at the end, sometimes in tears, not because they had a great workout, but because at one point they did not think they would make it. And they did.
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Life is full of “walls” and in those moments we must focus on our goal, check-in with our mind, seek inspiration, and keep going. Because the “runners high” eventually comes, and in that moment you are UNSTOPPABLE.

My challenge to you for this weekend:

Set out to do something you don't think you could do. Go for a difficult hike, run a mile, finish a book, cook an elaborate meal, sign up for a half-marathon! Whatever it is, make sure it is something that will not only surprise you, but will have you asking, "What else can I do?"

Today I had to make several phone calls between planning my wedding and working to eliminate the flea population that has taken up residence on the back of my dog. While I was on the phone I was asked to hold at least 3 times and I was reminded quickly of how impatient I am. When I have things to do, I feel every second of every minute pass. Every pause on checking off the dreaded (and unrealistic) to-do list is met with an increased heart rate and an uncontrollable tapping foot.
 
But as I arrived home it occurred to me that I become very agitated when I feel my time is being wasted by someone else. Yet, I have no problem wasting my own time. Tons of it! So as part of my challenge to my readers, and myself I will devote a sizable amount of time to accomplishing my dreams. Cleaning the house and running to Kohls to exchange a shirt does not count! It has to be time taking steps towards the life I dream of. And it has to be enough time so that at the end of the day when I lay down to sleep, I can smile knowing I am that much closer to success. Let's use this weekend to move TOWARDS the life we envision for our families and ourselves! 
 
Write down an ultimate goal. Write down the date this goal will be accomplished. And write down something you will sacrifice in order to achieve this goal.
 
Then write down what you will do this weekend to take a step towards that goal and make sure it gets done!
 
Wasting your time is okay! Even necessary! But if you only wasted half as much as you do, imagine what you could accomplish. 

Tip: Today, while on the phone at work, I used the holds during each phone call to work on one of my "dream" projects. Sometimes we need to be creative about finding an opportunity to move an inch.