I've always convinced myself that I had high expectations. Expectations so high , in fact, that sometimes they were nearly impossibe to meet. That is until I realized that my high expectations we're not in line with my wants and were instead sabotaging the life I hope to lead.

As my wedding to my amazing fiancé approaches, I have found myself feeling more Chandler than Monica (those who watch Friends will get it). For months I've examined our relationship under a microscope looking for any possible sign that it might grow to fail. And throughout, I have created expectations of what I believed a successful relationship looked like. Or so I thought.

Expectations, as we know them, are what we expect to happen. Usually, our expectations are positive and by meeting them, we accomplish a greater level of happiness. However, what I have come to learn is that many times our expectations are negative without us being aware. We believe that our expectations are in line with what we want in life, but instead they are subconsciously drawing us towards the failure we believe is inevitable. While I have been striving for a happy and successful relationship, my expectations have been a reflection of the failed marriages I grew to know. And so because I was expecting to fail, our relationship suffered.

Often times we convince ourselves that our wants are interchangeable with our expectations. And so we convince ourselves that we truly expect to succeed, be it dieting, starting a business, or building a relationship. But if we dig deeper, we actually find that we expect to fail. And so without realizing it, we meet our expectations.

Since coming to this realization, I have been happier and more confident than I have been in a long time. My baggage has been pulled out from under the bed and I am sorting through it, piece by piece. Expectations are important when setting out to accomplish your dreams, but they must be owned. We must envision the future we want, and remind ourselves of that future each day. And when fear of failure starts to creep in (because it will) we must be ready to combat it by refocusing on those chapters that have already been written, but have yet to be read.

So define your expectations, don't let your expectations define you.

Expect that your life will be different.

That this is truly your time to shine.

If you are at all familiar with the runner's lingo, you have heard of the dreaded “wall”. During a long run, typically a marathon, many runners experience a period where everything falls apart. Their legs become weak, they've lost all control of their breathing, overheating sets in, maybe the dreaded gingerbread man appears (look it up), and they feel as if they can no longer continue. While their heart says, "please don't stop", their mind and body is screaming, "for the love of God, stop!”

I started running for the sole purpose of wanting to do something I had told myself I couldn't do. I was NEVER a runner. In fact, by the age of 24, I had never completed a mile without taking a rest. Or two. Maybe four.... So I decided that by my 25th birthday, I would complete a half-marathon. What I did not realize is that I would be embarking on an adventure that would make the challenges of life easier to overcome. I experienced both "the wall" and "runners high" many times throughout my training and had it not been for these two experiences, I would likely be less optimistic about overcoming challenges.

Every week I had to run further than I did the week before. Mind you, the week before I had decided that I had run the furthest I could ever possibly run. It was a mind game. But I prepared myself each week by following the plan I had in place, and each week I accomplished what I set out to do. There were many moments I told myself I couldn't do it, and that God gave me short legs to sit and not run... But I continued. Because I needed to prove to myself that I could. I ran my first half-marathon the month I turned 25. It was known to be a difficult race with steep hills and I was told that it would be okay to walk. But I ran the entire race and at the end, felt like I could run home! I proved to myself that with hard work, dedication, DISCIPLINE, and a plan, I could do anything. I would eventually run 4 more half-marathons and continue to run as a reminder.

The Wall is an amazing part of a runner's experience because it is the part that makes crossing the finish-line so emotional. Runner's often raise their arms at the end, sometimes in tears, not because they had a great workout, but because at one point they did not think they would make it. And they did.
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Life is full of “walls” and in those moments we must focus on our goal, check-in with our mind, seek inspiration, and keep going. Because the “runners high” eventually comes, and in that moment you are UNSTOPPABLE.

My challenge to you for this weekend:

Set out to do something you don't think you could do. Go for a difficult hike, run a mile, finish a book, cook an elaborate meal, sign up for a half-marathon! Whatever it is, make sure it is something that will not only surprise you, but will have you asking, "What else can I do?"

Today I had to make several phone calls between planning my wedding and working to eliminate the flea population that has taken up residence on the back of my dog. While I was on the phone I was asked to hold at least 3 times and I was reminded quickly of how impatient I am. When I have things to do, I feel every second of every minute pass. Every pause on checking off the dreaded (and unrealistic) to-do list is met with an increased heart rate and an uncontrollable tapping foot.
 
But as I arrived home it occurred to me that I become very agitated when I feel my time is being wasted by someone else. Yet, I have no problem wasting my own time. Tons of it! So as part of my challenge to my readers, and myself I will devote a sizable amount of time to accomplishing my dreams. Cleaning the house and running to Kohls to exchange a shirt does not count! It has to be time taking steps towards the life I dream of. And it has to be enough time so that at the end of the day when I lay down to sleep, I can smile knowing I am that much closer to success. Let's use this weekend to move TOWARDS the life we envision for our families and ourselves! 
 
Write down an ultimate goal. Write down the date this goal will be accomplished. And write down something you will sacrifice in order to achieve this goal.
 
Then write down what you will do this weekend to take a step towards that goal and make sure it gets done!
 
Wasting your time is okay! Even necessary! But if you only wasted half as much as you do, imagine what you could accomplish. 

Tip: Today, while on the phone at work, I used the holds during each phone call to work on one of my "dream" projects. Sometimes we need to be creative about finding an opportunity to move an inch. 

This year, I took on two of the biggest hurdles that stand in our way when it comes to a life of peace and happiness. I chose to incorporate healthy eating and exercise into my busy and sugar-filled life and gain back control of my finances, which meant confronting the monster in the closet: my school loans. Now, this is not to say that diet, exercise, and money are the answers to peace and happiness, but they are many of the goals we lay before us in pursuit of the two.
 
Most goals, year after year, are connected to health in both body and finances.  What I have found on my journey is that the two are strongly connected in the sense that the same vehicle leads to both. The big "D" word. No. Not determination, although that is often what begins the journey. But it is DISCIPLINE that ensures you stay on the journey long enough to see the results. 
 
In creating and managing a unique budget every single month, I have become empowered to spend each dollar wisely. I know where EVERY dollar goes and I plan for events in advanced. If I know there is a birthday dinner later in the month, money is set-aside specifically for that. If an invite to the nail salon pops up midweek and I know this is not in the budget, I say no! The same is true for my diet. I CAN eat a donut! I CAN have a slice of pizza. I CAN have a couple of beers with friends. But it needs to be planned! And more importantly, I need to be disciplined enough to know when I can and can't afford something, whether it is a new shirt or a cheeseburger. It is as simple as that!
 
But is it?
 
We live in a society that is accustomed to instant gratification and we have convinced ourselves that we no longer have control. We want so bad to lose weight but have accepted the idea that our body is different. What we refuse to acknowledge is that our diet and lack of mobility is also very different. We want financial freedom, but we convince ourselves that only people born into money get to experience that. Meanwhile, we drive better cars and take more vacations than millionaires! And the reason being is that IT IS HARD!
 
It is hard to put off the sweets until Friday. It is hard to save 10 years for the car of your dreams. It is hard to wait! And we are undisciplined! We are used to getting what we want, when we want it. But the cost is that we are unhappy. Peace and contentment is what we really want, but we refuse to be patient enough to wait for it. 
 
So I am asking you to discipline yourself. And give yourself time to change your habits. Just like it takes time and patience to discipline a child or a puppy, know that you will fail. But keep reminding yourself that you are simply undisciplined, and that your failure will become less frequent until your new way of living is natural. And find an accountability partner to help you through. Because, again, it is hard! And the hard things are always easier to overcome with a friend encouraging you along the way. 
 
You CAN learn discipline. And it WILL change your life. 

A theme I have come across more recently in my life is the power of intentionality. Being purposeful and conscious of the actions you take each day. Too many times we allow days to pass without being present. Without being purposeful and intentional. And that is why we find ourselves no closer to the lives we dream of someday having. 
 
Intentionality is the key to success in almost anything you seek to accomplish. Success does not happen by accident. On my journey towards fulfilling my dreams of financial freedom, growing my own business, freeing up my time for my family, and living a life I love, I have found that intentionality is what brings progress. In my busy day I must physically create a time block where my focus is my dream. I must write down a goal, and then create a plan to best achieve that goal within a reasonable but detailed timeframe.
 
Another dream of mine is to be physically fit and active so that I can participate in my son's baseball practices or chase him at the park. This means that I must consciously choose what I will eat and when I will exercise. It is no different from the expectations that are placed on us by our employers.
 
We must stop hoping that opportunity knocks on the door. Instead we must seek opportunity, and if none is found, we must create opportunity. Again, intentionality is key! It is time that we live on purpose. That we add action to our dreams. That we adopt intentionality in all we do. 
 
As a challenge to those who read this blog, I am urging you to not only adopt intentionality, but to do it when you feel the most inconvenienced. Do it on the weekend. I have found that people tend to fall off the wagon during the weekend because there is less of a routine. Weekends are when healthy eating stops, days begin later, time ceases to exist for exercise, and hours disappear when we need them most. I will be posting every Friday evening to motivate YOU to have a weekend of INTENTIONALITY. Let's stop waiting for Monday to make changes. Our lives are too important. I hope you will join me. It is time we start living each day on PURPOSE. 

I learned within the last few months how important it is to own your stuff. In fact, important is not the right word. It is downright empowering! 
 
For years, I have blamed my failures and bad judgment on people, places, circumstances, and anything else I could think of that did not include myself. My finger naturally pointed outward. And as long as I could place blame, I did not have to confront my problems and resolve them myself. After all, it would be unfair to solve a problem or sacrifice for something that had little or nothing to do with me. 
 
And then it happened....
 
I was listening to a radio personality who often yells at his listeners about playing the victim. "You are not the victim!", he says. At first I simply changed the channel. He obviously knew nothing about my story and therefore his words were irrelevant. But I eventually came back and continued to listen. And as I listened I realized that I WAS responsible for many of the bad decisions I had made. Although I could always find some sort of way to justify my actions, they were still MY actions and I had to own them. And the minute I came to this realization I felt liberated. Because the person I had been waiting for to fix my problems had arrived. I was the only person who could change my circumstance. And so that is what I have been doing since. 
 
Regardless of where your problems began, at some point we must take ownership of our roles, our lives, and our futures. We must choose to accept the past and rework our present so that our future is ours.
 
Owning your mistakes, however minor they may be in the grand scheme of things, is the first step to living the life of your dreams.  

Do you ever feel as if life's objective is to knock you to the ground and keep you there?
 
So often I hear people around me feeling like they can't catch a break. The year they lose their job is the year their dog dies, their boyfriend leaves, their engine blows, the tree falls on their house.... you get the picture.
 
Life can be hard and sometimes it is hard day after day after day. Snowmageddon is no match for this particular season. And so this is when I believe the movie that is your life develops into the powerful story you'll tell for decades. This is where your inner heroine is born.

Many of us enjoy watching movies or reading stories of other successful women. Women who persevered through incredible hardships and made it to the top. We hear the stories of women like J.K. Rowling, Oprah Winfrey, and Kelly Clarkson and we often think, "She is so lucky." "Oh, what I would give to be her."  Well guess what, you are her! J.K. Rowling was a single mother on the verge of homelessness. "Harry Potter" was turned down by several publishers before it became successful. Oprah Winfrey was demoted from an anchor position and told she would not be successful. Kelly Clarkson's dad left her when she was a child and she grew up in poverty. And right now you are going through the difficult chapters of your story. The chapters that people will read or watch with jaws dropped thinking, "how did she do it?" And they will find inspiration as they see you become the heroine who, against all odds, wins in the end!
 
So while these chapters are difficult and your story feels as though it will end in tragedy, remember that a heroine is courageous because she does not give up when times are tough.

​She perseveres and fights until she wins.
 

For this post I chose to expand upon the title of my blog. To dream is to live. What do I mean by that exactly?
 
Labeling myself a dreamer goes back about 10 years to when my boss informed me that he had chosen the song "Little Dreamer" to be the ringtone for when I called his phone. I found it to be a compliment while he found my dreamer-like mentality to be associated with a naivety that I would eventually outgrow. 
 
Of course fast-forward 10 years and I still proudly call myself a dreamer. And like the late John Lennon, I assume I am not the only one ;) 
 
What I have come to believe is that dreamers are often assumed to be young, uninformed, unrealistic, rebellious, and out-of-touch. The list goes on. What is often ignored, however, is that without dreamers we would likely live without the things we use daily like our automobiles, airplanes, lights, air conditioners! Again, the list goes on. What many fail to realize is that dreamers can come equipped with plans to actually bring those crazy dreams to fruition. And that is exactly what I plan to do as my title implies. My dream is different from a thought. It is not something I see when I am asleep but rather something I see during my waking hours. And it is something I live daily. 
 
When I envision my future and allow myself to dream, I set in place tangible plans that physically draw me closer to those dreams. By dreaming, I am living. Otherwise, I'd simply be asleep.
 
My dreams of living a life free of financial burdens, with no constraints on time, and blessing those around me is a dream I am actively moving towards. And that is very different from the idea that dreams are something to be imagined and not attained. 
 
Dreams do come true. And not just by wishing upon a star, but by creating a plan, setting deadlines, and physically moving towards them. Dreamers are doers. And we are risk takers. We are not sleeping while the rest of the world is hard at work. We continue working when the rest of the world is sleeping. 
 
Dreamers change the world.  

Have you ever found yourself feeling down and someone stopped to compliment you and changed your whole day? Or you may have been feeling great about yourself and that feeling increased significantly because someone told you, "That dress looks amazing!" Too often we underestimate the power of our words and use them instead to critique, offer unsolicited advice, or put even ourselves down. Day after day we deny ourselves the power to change another person's day.

The other day I was feeling extra critical about my body. I had not been working out as often as I would like to and had eaten more pizza than I should. I made my way into the gym for a quick workout and as I left, a coworker asked me, "How do you stay so fit?" I was honestly taken aback and could not help but smile. I tried to play cool and let her know that I try to work out and eat right, but she has no idea how she affected my whole day. In fact she changed my week! All of a sudden I viewed my body differently and felt proud. And so I am challenging myself and everyone I know to compliment another person at least once a day. It may feel uncomfortable (why is that???) but do it anyway. Because that 30 seconds of you feeling "weird" or "awkward" could be a day or a week of that person feeling "amazing!"

Let's stop using our words to put people down and instead build each other up. For some reason we often feel people are too confident in how they look. We deny them a compliment because we don't want it to go their head. Yet what we don't realize is that person likely lacks confidence. And to be honest, even if they don't and they truly feel they look amazing, great! Let them know they are right! How great is it that there are some people who know they are amazing? I wish I could be that confident!

If we want to feel good about ourselves, see the good in others. Let's start using the power we have to change this world for the better.

Imagine how different this world would be if the majority of us saw the best in ourselves!

For me, this blog is about inspiring others to go out on a limb and grab hold of their biggest dreams. I want people who read his to feel motivated and encouraged because I truly believe that we are not meant to do life alone. Part of encouraging and inspiring others sometimes means that we have to be transparent with one another and expose our human side, despite how vulnerable we may feel. 
 
Most days I get to feel excited about life. I dream big, I feel hopeful, I am truly GRATEFUL, and this makes me genuinely happy. But there are those other days where doubt sets in, disappointment follows me, pressure pounces, and regardless of how many times I watch a motivational video or listen to an uplifting song, the feelings stay.
 
As mom to a rambunctious 2-year-old boy, I feel I must always be on my A game. And so when those days visit, with no formal invite I may add, the desire to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing or sleep the day away is not an option. Instead I am forced to get up, cook, change diapers, play with toys, sing, dance, and smile. And many times while I do these things, I feel guilty for not actually wanting to do them. For wanting to lie on the couch and do nothing instead. Sound familiar? (I hope so!)
 
So how do we cope with those days where despite how grateful we feel deep down, and how appreciate we are to be alive, we feel unhappy and defeated? I believe the answer is we let it be. We forgive ourselves and we let it pass. Because the feelings usually do pass. Regardless of whether or not we know it, there are reasons for those feelings. They are responses to real struggles and to deny ourselves a response goes against our human nature. And so I am slowly learning that these days, however difficult the may be, do pass. And rather than question how I could be unhappy when I am blessed beyond words, or put myself down for being unproductive or unsuccessful, I am choosing to be kind to myself, forgive myself, do what I can in those moments, and wait for the feelings to pass.
 
Life plays out in seasons.  Though some winters are longer and colder than others, spring always follows. And with it comes new life.