To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

The last five months of my life could be summed up in just one song....Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds. I found that song playing in my head for much of the last few months and found comfort in knowing that I was simply in one season and would eventually move into another. My life changed in a wonderful way on November 10, 2016 when I married the man of my dreams. I expected that the time that followed would be equally wonderful as we begun the "honeymoon phase" of our marriage. Instead, I found myself in a very different phase and felt confused and discouraged. Being married was and is incredible; however what I felt was an inner struggle of self-doubt, lack of motivation, and disappointment. And so I was forced to begin a process that I now call the Three Rs: REFLECT, REGROUP, and RECOVER.

For the greater part of this season I failed to recognize the causes, effects and significance of my experience. As I became physically and mentally tired, I fought harder against it. And each time I failed to defeat those feelings, I only felt worse. My physical and mental exhaustion led to emotional instability and a questioning of who I was and what purpose I had.

I imagine it is a place none of us like to be in, yet most of us have visited.

I set goals for myself and watched each time limit expire. And finally I gave up in the sense that I let things be. I exercised when I felt healthy enough to do so, I challenged myself to not pick up every single toy and item of clothing that was out of place, I cooked when I felt like doing so, I stopped making extravagant goals, and I gave myself permission to do nothing. And eventually, after what felt like an eternity, I felt myself begin to heal. I engaged in activities that made me feel happy and learned to listen to myself a whole lot more. As my energy and motivation returned, I reintroduced goals although I was cautious to make sure they were small and attainable. And I embraced the realization that this whole experience was merely a season in which my mind and body needed to hibernate so that I could feel strong and revitalized to continue on in my journey.

Finally, this season is coming to end and I see signs of the next season approaching. The birth of new adventures and the blooming of beautiful memories. It took me a long time to realize that I was simply in a different season of life and that I had to wait for it to pass. I had to REFLECT on the events in my life that brought me to this new place, REGROUP and create a plan to get through this phase and ensure success in the next, and finally RECOVER, which was most important. As I approach the end of my recovery phase, I can see that running uphill is exhausting, though necessary to reach your destination. It is in the rest and recovery moments where you regain the motivation and energy to continue. If not for those moments, our bodies would eventually give in. This season was a reminder that the road ahead is long and arduous and moments of reflection, regrouping, and recovery are a necessary part of the journey. And so as each season comes and goes, I will find its purpose on this path I call my life.

​To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven